Now It Shall Spring Forth!

The day after the Lord took my husband away to be with Him, I remember speaking out loud to the Lord about some Bible verses that mention the Lord being a "Husband" (Isaiah 54:4-5). I told Him that He would need to teach me how to allow Him to be my "husband". I've been reminded of those verses and my declaration to the Lord that day many, many times since then. But, it wasn't until today that I realized I was never actually serious about allowing the Lord to be my "husband". I finally realized, and had to admit today, that I never wanted Him to be my "husband"! I didn't want Him to be my "husband" because I still wanted my flesh & blood husband! And, honestly, I've never really been able to let go of the resentment and pain of God allowing my physical, flesh and blood husband to be taken away from me. I've never been able to allow Him to fill the void, the emptiness, and the loneliness that I've experienced since that dreadful day. I've faithfully sung songs declaring that God is "enough for me", that He's my "all in all". I've faithfully prayed prayers declaring that God is "all I need" and that He's "my everything". But, deep down, I didn't really own those words that I've sung and declared. Deep down, I still yearned and ached for that physical, flesh and blood husband. So, I've never been able to fully let go of that yearning-that heartache-until today!

I've been praying and fasting this week about several things the Lord put on my heart for the week, and one of them was for me to finally let go of that part of my heart that has been so unwilling to allow God to be my "Husband". On Sunday afternoon, I was praying on the phone with a friend. I hadn't mentioned anything to her about that area that I had been seeking the Lord's face about in my life. As we were praying for and encouraging one another, she said that she felt there was something that I needed to let go of. As she said that, I began to open and lift my hands to the Lord in prayer and surrender because I knew what she was referring to. Just as I did that, she said that she saw me opening my hands and the Lord taking away that thing that I needed to let go of. It was just swept away. She had no idea of the posture of my open & lifted hands as she spoke, so I knew immediately that He had taken it away! I began to weep and praise God as she continued to pray for me. I felt a freedom and a "release" that I hadn't felt before she had spoken those words. And, I am still walking in that freedom today! That's why I was finally able to release and let go of that void that was caused over five years ago when my husband was taken away, and I'm finally able to allow God to begin to fill those empty places in my heart. I finally want Him to fill those places!

Last Thursday, the Lord told me that He is "doing a new thing" (Isaiah 43:19). He had actually been speaking that to me before last week; but I wrote it down when He spoke those words again to me, and then I added to it: "I'm going to do a new thing because God is doing a new thing..."  Earlier that week, I had thrown away some old socks that had holes in them. For most people, that is probably a pretty normal thing to do. But, not for me! I have a hard time throwing things out that I think might still have use in them. I wore those socks with holes in them for months and months because I couldn't bear to throw out something that I felt I could still use. Why would I think of "wasting" money on new socks when the ones with holes in them were still perfectly "wearable" to me?? When I finally decided to throw them out, which took several days of going back and forth in my mind before I finally just dumped them into the garbage bin, the Lord reminded me of the verse(s) about putting new wine into old wine skins. It goes like this, from Luke chapter 5:36-39:

36 Then He spoke a parable to them: “No one puts a piece from a new garment on an old one; otherwise the new makes a tear, and also the piece that was taken out of the new does not match the old. 37 And no one puts new wine into old wine skins; or else the new wine will burst the wine skins and be spilled, and the wine skins will be ruined. 38 But new wine must be put into new wine skins, and both are preserved. 39 And no one, having drunk old wine, immediately desires new; for he says, ‘The old is better.’ ”

So, I'm going to be shopping for some new socks soon because the "old wine skins", that I've been holding onto for so long have got to go! God is doing a new thing-now! And, I believe He's doing a new thing in your life today, too. Allow Him to prepare your heart for the "new wine skins" that can contain the "new wine" properly. Allow Him to release the freedom into your life that He has been so longing for you to move in! He is moving upon the face of the earth now, seeking those hearts that are open to the things that He has in store for this new season. Will you be ready?
 

"Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert." 

Isaiah 43:19

Blessings,

Tiffany ♡

I’m So Glad that Christmas is about Him, and Not about me…

 

There are so many reasons I’d want to declare this year’s Christmas holiday “cancelled”, or maybe even “postponed” if it were all about me! Last weekend, on the anniversary of my husband’s graduation to the realms of Heaven, I dreamed that my husband and I were taking a last minute day trip together somewhere. In my dream, I said to him from the front passenger’s seat, “Why does it seem like we haven’t done anything like this in a very, very long time?” In response, he slowly turned to me from the driver’s seat of the car with a smile on his face and I was suddenly aware that he was gone forever. Right there in my dream, I realized that this was our “last trip” together. So, in my dream, we decided to make the most of our last trip. I woke up that Sunday morning in a weird state of mind, realizing that it has now been five years since my husband departed to be with Jesus. At some point in our lives a very long time ago, we noticed that things seemed to happen in periods of five years for us. Five years would be the close of one phase and then a new phase would begin. Reflecting back on my dream last Sunday morning, I couldn’t help but think that this last five years is the end of one phase and the beginning of the next phase.

But, I wouldn’t necessarily “cancel” Christmas at that realization. Because, if I really think about it, I could allow this to be a bittersweet new beginning in my life. So, moving on to last Monday…I got a call from the school that I had to come pick up my middle school daughter as soon as possible because they had found out there was a positive case of COVID among the middle school students (exposure had occurred, unknowingly, the previous week). I quickly made arrangements to leave my job so I could go get her. That same day, my older daughter was experiencing some cold-like symptoms, along with my middle school daughter. I didn’t think much about it at the time. The next two days, my son ended up in bed all day long, not even coming down to eat anything for one whole day. On that Tuesday, my youngest daughter could barely stay awake throughout the day to do her schoolwork from home. I prayed for all of my children that whatever was plaguing them would be over soon and they would get better. Later in the day on Wednesday, I realized that I could no longer taste or smell. Still not able to taste or smell on Thursday, I decided it was time to get a test for COVID. I got tested Friday morning and was told that I should quarantine until I received my results. That meant I was going to miss my favorite service of the year at church that weekend-the Christmas Worship service! I had actually already decided not to go to church that weekend when I had decided to get tested. I got a phone call on Sunday that the COVID test result was positive and that I should quarantine/isolate for at least 10 days from when I first had symptoms. That meant no Christmas communion service on Christmas morning, either! My son was supposed to play on the worship team on Christmas! He had been looking forward to playing for the Christmas communion service for weeks!

If that wasn’t bad enough, I got a phone call from the school nurse on Monday with details on some specific guidelines we would need to follow in our own home to facilitate my kids being able to go back to school as soon as possible once the school Christmas break is over. (I had emailed the Head of School on Sunday to inform them that I tested positive for COVID.) After getting off the phone with the school nurse, I had more questions that I needed answers to. She had given me the phone number to our town’s Health Department if I wanted to get more clarity on the school’s COVID quarantine/isolation guidelines for families and also suggested that I might want to discuss it with my children’s pediatrician. That one day, I spent over an hour discussing how to best get my kids back to school with the school nurse, the pediatrician, and the nurse at our town’s Health Department. In the end, I realized that we would need to isolate/quarantine from one another inside of our own home if I wanted to get my kids back to school as quickly as possible without putting them through another COVID test. I had to get my two younger ones tested about a month ago when they were experiencing normal cold symptoms in order for them to be allowed to return to school. It was such a horrible experience that my youngest daughter cried for almost an hour afterwards! I don’t want to have to go through that again!  So, we ended up having to disrupt our normal way of eating, sleeping, etc., in order to follow the guidelines necessary for my kids not to end up missing more of school than necessary. We haven’t been able to make Christmas cookies together-yet. We haven’t been able to sit down at the table and eat all together like we normally do at meal times. One of my daughters has been sleeping downstairs on the sofa bed because my two younger daughters normally share a bedroom. We are masked at all times whenever we’re together, or in a “common” room, like the kitchen or living room. This is supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year”, but it kind of seems to be the worst time of the year right now in our household!

And, speaking of cookies, I can’t bake my annual Christmas cookies and hand them out to the neighbors this year! I had already decided that I wasn’t going to hand out homemade cookies this year due to the spread of COVID, but I had every intention of still going door to door in my neighborhood this week with treat bags filled with little goodies that I’ve been collecting on sale over the past several months. But, since I have COVID myself, I can’t even do that! Is this really Christmas? Shouldn’t it be cancelled or postponed this year??!

Oh, but-wait! I just rambled on and on for paragraphs talking about me and some of my current personal issues! I think I put in the title of this little rant that “Christmas is about Him…” That’s right! Let me re-focus on Who and What Christmas is really about! A tradition we started in our family too many years ago to remember, is to read Luke chapter 2 on Christmas morning. I read it earlier today, and it changes my whole perspective every single time I read it! I marveled anew at how God chose to reveal the birth of His Son to some shepherds in a field. And, I longed to have been witness to the angel praising God with a multitude of the heavenly host that day saying:

“Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” (Luke 2:14)

Again, I marvel that it was and is God’s desire that we experience His peace and His goodwill towards us. Reading down a little further in verse 16, I am humbled that our Savior was first introduced into this world as a Baby nestled in an animal’s feeding trough! My Lord and My God! Savior of the world! How could this be? Continuing, I read about Simeon who declared that he could now rest in peace because he’d seen the Lord’s Salvation after he saw the Baby Jesus when Mary and Joseph brought Him to the temple according to the custom of the law. I then read about the widow Anna who served the Lord faithfully night and day. I briefly identify with her and marvel that she had only been married for 7 years before she became a widow. It says she was a widow for about eighty four years! Then, I ask God if that’s what He has for me. I don’t get any answer-not that I was expecting one, so I continue reading. I always love reading about how the Child Jesus “grew and became strong in spirit, filled with wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him” in verse 40. I don’t know why I love reading that part so much! And, of course, I read further down in the chapter about how the 12 year old Jesus had lingered in Jerusalem after his parents had begun their return home and He was found in the temple listening to the teachers and asking them questions. When His parents questioned Him about His whereabouts, He asked them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” Every time I read that, I look inwardly and ask God how I’m doing at that. You know, being about My Father’s business. And, then I always strive to be better at being about His business. Finally, I get down to the last verse in Luke chapter 2. For some reason, it seems to be the verse that always stands out to me the most in the whole chapter: “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” I love that! I think it helps me to recognize how much Jesus humbled Himself to become a man just like us and live amongst mankind.

So, after having read through all of Luke 2, I seem to have forgotten about my weariness of the current state of my own situation the day before Christmas 2020. And, I’ve come to the same knowledge that has been true since Jesus stepped forth upon this earth to be the Savior of the world. Christmas has always been-and will always be-solely about Him. What else matters? Absolutely nothing! I thank God for the love and the light that He has brought into my life and into my family! No matter what sorrows or woes you are currently struggling through today, I pray that you have a very Merry and Blessed Christmas! Because, after all, Christmas is all about recognizing the One and Only Savior of the World!💗

 

Merry Christmas- from our socially distanced family to yours! 😊

Tiffany Haynes

 

Redeem the Season!

Exactly one week ago today, I awoke with the words, “put away all resentment and bitterness” in my head. So, I looked up Ephesians 4:31 (NKJV): “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” The night before, I had admitted in a phone conversation that I had been carrying around resentment towards people-resentment that I’ve been battling for a long time now. Resentment towards people around my age who still have one or both of their parents living. Resentment towards those who still have at least one grandparent living. But, that resentment would especially be towards those happily married couples who still have opportunity to enjoy being together with the one their soul loves. It hasn't been an outward and blatant resentment-but an inward soul wrenching resentment that would rise up in me during certain times towards these groups of people. This resentment would turn into bitterness the closer I got to my wedding anniversary-which is today. So, there is this vicious cycle of resentment and bitterness which builds up to a climax-and then of repentance for all of the ill feelings that I’ve allowed to build up inside. And, adding to that cycle, the emotional struggle against a horrible depressive state that sometimes overwhelms me in grief over my husband. So, when I awoke with the words about putting away resentment and bitterness and looked up Ephesians 4:31, I knew I needed to somehow learn how to surrender this cycle to the Lord.

As I kept thinking about this cycle and how I have struggled so much with it, I began to wonder if it’s a spiritual battle that I've been fighting. I began to question the Lord about that and seek His face last week, pondering this “season” that I struggle through each year beginning around early August and generally continuing, to some extent, through February (my husband’s birthday month). Then, a phrase suddenly interrupted my thoughts, as I was driving home from work last Thursday evening. I had been lost in a mixed emotional state-wondering if one of my kids might catch me weeping on my bedroom floor, again, before my anniversary which I had secretly begun referring to as “the dreaded day.” “It’s time to redeem the season," jumped out at me in the midst of my pondering. And, as that phrase took root in my thoughts, it was like I was suddenly completely jolted out of a state of being! It’s time to redeem the season! I began to start thinking that maybe I should actually celebrate on my wedding anniversary this year, instead of weeping through it as I had the last four years. IT’S TIME TO REDEEM THE SEASON!! Yes!! I decided to celebrate this day that my husband and I exchanged the wedding vows we had written to each other 23 years ago today. Because it’s time to redeem the season and allow God to pour His redemptive love into the season where I’ve felt such a mix of joy and pain! As I sought the Lord, asking Him how to surrender this cycle and gain victory over this "season" that I've struggled through the last 4 years, God suddenly burst through my pain and sorrow and brought in His redemptive provision-just like that! This doesn't mean that the grief has suddenly gone away, or that I'll never be found weeping again. But, it does mean that I've found a new freedom knowing and trusting that God has already provided His redemption for this season of my life. I don't need to know the details of what that looks like right now. I'm just going to continue to trust Him.

I shared all of that because I believe many of us have a season that needs to be redeemed. My redemptive season has to do with great loss(es) that I’ve experienced. Great loss that I had allowed to bring resentment, bitterness, and a depressive sorrow into my life. But, God wants to bring redemption to all of us in our difficult seasons. This “COVID season” might be the season for you that God is seeking to redeem. Maybe loss of employment, or social life, or even retirement income during this season has made you bitter, or hopeless, or desperate. Maybe it’s the “political unrest season” or “the racial injustice season”-whatever the season is that has caused you great pain, sorrow, disappointment, or even fear and anxiety-God wants to redeem the season for you! Just start trusting Him to bring His redemptive provision into whatever season you are currently struggling with-and one day, you might just find yourself suddenly jolted into a new freedom that you didn't realize could be yours right now! 💗

 

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
² To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
³ To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” 

⁴ And they shall rebuild the old ruins, 

They shall raise up the former desolations, 

And they shall repair the ruined cities, 

The desolations of many generations.

 Isaiah 61:1-4 (NKJV)

"So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you.

Joel 2:25 (NKJV)  

Blessings,

Tiffany