Loneliness.
It’s invading. Pervasive. Crippling, even! It creeps up on you when you least
expect it. And, it, of course, shows up when you’re just waiting for it to rear
its ugly head! It’s all-encompassing, all-consuming. It eats away at you like a
disease. It can steal your joy right out from under you in a moment’s time! At
least that’s been my experience.
I didn’t ask
for loneliness to enter into my life. It just came upon me-suddenly-one day,
uninvited and unwanted. It sought me out less than a week before Christmas in
December of 2015 and has been seeking to destroy me ever since! I try to fight
it and ward it off, but its strength becomes overpowering at times! So-many
times, I just slump down and submit under the weight of it.
A friend of
mine, who I love dearly, made a statement about me a couple of years ago after
I lost my husband. It could not have been more untrue-though I never admitted
it to her. She said something like, “I’m sure you don’t get lonely since you’re
so busy with your four kids…”
BUT!! I was
in church worshipping yesterday. And the Lord spoke to me very clearly. He
said, “Surrender!” And, I said, “Surrender what?” I have to admit that I’ve
been kind of running away from that word-ever since December 19, 2015.
Ironically, I did a teaching on “Surrender” for a small “conference” we held in Lichinga (Mozambique) in September of 2015. And, I wholeheartedly believed every word I
taught on “Surrender”-and still do! But, I’ve been running away because that
word keeps creeping into my consciousness way back in the corner of my
thoughts. And I keep saying, “But, what more do I have to surrender?? I’ve
already surrendered enough, haven’t I?? I’ve given up my life on the mission
field in Mozambique and have come back to America where I’ve felt like I have
absolutely no purpose or sense of belonging! (And I could list here many other
things I’ve felt that I’ve surrendered-willingly and unwillingly.) What more do
I need to surrender?? I have nothing left!” And I heard, “You need to surrender
LONELINESS.” “What?! I never wanted it in the first place! Loneliness has been
chasing ME! I NEVER ASKED FOR IT! How in the world am I supposed to SURRENDER
it?” And then, in my very next thought, I said, “Ok, Lord. Show me how to do
that. I’m willing!”
I woke up this morning singing the words to "I Surrender" by Hillsong:
Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all
And find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You
I surrender
Drench my soul
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst
With arms stretched wide
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now
I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more
I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more
Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me
Lord have Your way in me
I surrender
I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more...
I surrender
I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Matt Crocker
I Surrender lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group
I think some of the things I've thought about "surrender" are about to change! I'm looking forward to the journey of finding out! Are you willing to join me?
Blessings!