The day after the Lord took my husband away to be with Him, I remember speaking out loud to the Lord about some Bible verses that mention the Lord being a "Husband" (Isaiah 54:4-5). I told Him that He would need to teach me how to allow Him to be my "husband". I've been reminded of those verses and my declaration to the Lord that day many, many times since then. But, it wasn't until today that I realized I was never actually serious about allowing the Lord to be my "husband". I finally realized, and had to admit today, that I never wanted Him to be my "husband"! I didn't want Him to be my "husband" because I still wanted my flesh & blood husband! And, honestly, I've never really been able to let go of the resentment and pain of God allowing my physical, flesh and blood husband to be taken away from me. I've never been able to allow Him to fill the void, the emptiness, and the loneliness that I've experienced since that dreadful day. I've faithfully sung songs declaring that God is "enough for me", that He's my "all in all". I've faithfully prayed prayers declaring that God is "all I need" and that He's "my everything". But, deep down, I didn't really own those words that I've sung and declared. Deep down, I still yearned and ached for that physical, flesh and blood husband. So, I've never been able to fully let go of that yearning-that heartache-until today!
I've been praying and fasting this week about several things the Lord put on my heart for the week, and one of them was for me to finally let go of that part of my heart that has been so unwilling to allow God to be my "Husband". On Sunday afternoon, I was praying on the phone with a friend. I hadn't mentioned anything to her about that area that I had been seeking the Lord's face about in my life. As we were praying for and encouraging one another, she said that she felt there was something that I needed to let go of. As she said that, I began to open and lift my hands to the Lord in prayer and surrender because I knew what she was referring to. Just as I did that, she said that she saw me opening my hands and the Lord taking away that thing that I needed to let go of. It was just swept away. She had no idea of the posture of my open & lifted hands as she spoke, so I knew immediately that He had taken it away! I began to weep and praise God as she continued to pray for me. I felt a freedom and a "release" that I hadn't felt before she had spoken those words. And, I am still walking in that freedom today! That's why I was finally able to release and let go of that void that was caused over five years ago when my husband was taken away, and I'm finally able to allow God to begin to fill those empty places in my heart. I finally want Him to fill those places!
Last Thursday, the Lord told me that He is "doing a new thing" (Isaiah 43:19). He had actually been speaking that to me before last week; but I wrote it down when He spoke those words again to me, and then I added to it: "I'm going to do a new thing because God is doing a new thing..." Earlier that week, I had thrown away some old socks that had holes in them. For most people, that is probably a pretty normal thing to do. But, not for me! I have a hard time throwing things out that I think might still have use in them. I wore those socks with holes in them for months and months because I couldn't bear to throw out something that I felt I could still use. Why would I think of "wasting" money on new socks when the ones with holes in them were still perfectly "wearable" to me?? When I finally decided to throw them out, which took several days of going back and forth in my mind before I finally just dumped them into the garbage bin, the Lord reminded me of the verse(s) about putting new wine into old wine skins. It goes like this, from Luke chapter 5:36-39:
36 Then He spoke a parable to them: “No one puts a piece from a new garment on an old one; otherwise the new makes a tear, and also the piece that was taken out of the new does not match the old. 37 And no one puts new wine into old wine skins; or else the new wine will burst the wine skins and be spilled, and the wine skins will be ruined. 38 But new wine must be put into new wine skins, and both are preserved. 39 And no one, having drunk old wine, immediately desires new; for he says, ‘The old is better.’ ”
So, I'm going to be shopping for some new socks soon because the "old wine skins", that I've been holding onto for so long have got to go! God is doing a new thing-now! And, I believe He's doing a new thing in your life today, too. Allow Him to prepare your heart for the "new wine skins" that can contain the "new wine" properly. Allow Him to release the freedom into your life that He has been so longing for you to move in! He is moving upon the face of the earth now, seeking those hearts that are open to the things that He has in store for this new season. Will you be ready?
"Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:19
Blessings,
Tiffany ♡
