Surrender!!!

Loneliness. It’s invading. Pervasive. Crippling, even! It creeps up on you when you least expect it. And, it, of course, shows up when you’re just waiting for it to rear its ugly head! It’s all-encompassing, all-consuming. It eats away at you like a disease. It can steal your joy right out from under you in a moment’s time! At least that’s been my experience. 

I didn’t ask for loneliness to enter into my life. It just came upon me-suddenly-one day, uninvited and unwanted. It sought me out less than a week before Christmas in December of 2015 and has been seeking to destroy me ever since! I try to fight it and ward it off, but its strength becomes overpowering at times! So-many times, I just slump down and submit under the weight of it.

A friend of mine, who I love dearly, made a statement about me a couple of years ago after I lost my husband. It could not have been more untrue-though I never admitted it to her. She said something like, “I’m sure you don’t get lonely since you’re so busy with your four kids…” 

BUT!! I was in church worshipping yesterday. And the Lord spoke to me very clearly. He said, “Surrender!” And, I said, “Surrender what?” I have to admit that I’ve been kind of running away from that word-ever since December 19, 2015. Ironically, I did a teaching on “Surrender” for a small “conference” we held in Lichinga (Mozambique) in September of 2015. And, I wholeheartedly believed every word I taught on “Surrender”-and still do! But, I’ve been running away because that word keeps creeping into my consciousness way back in the corner of my thoughts. And I keep saying, “But, what more do I have to surrender?? I’ve already surrendered enough, haven’t I?? I’ve given up my life on the mission field in Mozambique and have come back to America where I’ve felt like I have absolutely no purpose or sense of belonging! (And I could list here many other things I’ve felt that I’ve surrendered-willingly and unwillingly.) What more do I need to surrender?? I have nothing left!” And I heard, “You need to surrender LONELINESS.” “What?! I never wanted it in the first place! Loneliness has been chasing ME! I NEVER ASKED FOR IT! How in the world am I supposed to SURRENDER it?” And then, in my very next thought, I said, “Ok, Lord. Show me how to do that. I’m willing!” 

I continued to worship and, less than 5 minutes later, a prophetic word was spoken out by someone in our church. She said, “‘Who or what is sitting in My seat?’” says the Lord. And, she began to list things that we sometimes place above the Lord in our lives-fears and anxieties, jobs, desires-whatever. I immediately put the word “loneliness” there. Have I been allowing “loneliness” to sit on the throne in my life? Maybe I have. I don’t know! But, I’m willing to find out how to surrender it to the Lord, if so! God help me! I know He will!💗

I woke up this morning singing the words to "I Surrender" by Hillsong: 

Hillsong Worship

Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all

And find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You

I surrender

Drench my soul
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst

With arms stretched wide
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

I surrender
I surrender

I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more...

I surrender
I surrender

I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Matt Crocker

I Surrender lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

I think some of the things I've thought about "surrender" are about to change! I'm looking forward to the journey of finding out! Are you willing to join me?

Blessings!
 

Seeking the Face of God

Am I seeking God for His pleasure, His presence, His glory in my life? Or, am I seeking God for His hand in my situation? These are the questions that popped up in my mind as I delved into yet another personal Bible study series this morning. I realized that many of my personal Bible study plans I choose are because I’m trying to find answers to life’s questions. Why is my child still struggling so much? How can I help? Why haven’t you given me the right script, Lord? Because, obviously the script I’ve been using these past 4 years isn’t the right one! It’s not working! So, I read more information and seek more help. But, I see no lasting results from any of it. So, I begin yet another study that someone else wrote…seeking answers.

I know there’s nothing wrong with seeking God for those answers; but I know I must also seek Him just because He is. My husband’s words always come back to me in moments of reflection like this. One of our family “mottos” that my husband continuously stressed was, “God first. God only.” And, another one was, “Presence (God’s) is everything!” Because these words are true, and not just words spoken by my husband, I continue to stress them in our family now-beginning with me! 

O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water. ² So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.

³ Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. ⁴ Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. ⁵ My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.

⁶ When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. ⁷ Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. ⁸ My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63: 1-8 (NKJV)

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together." Psalm 34:3 (NKJV)

 

Blessings!

Tiffany