Surrender!!!

Loneliness. It’s invading. Pervasive. Crippling, even! It creeps up on you when you least expect it. And, it, of course, shows up when you’re just waiting for it to rear its ugly head! It’s all-encompassing, all-consuming. It eats away at you like a disease. It can steal your joy right out from under you in a moment’s time! At least that’s been my experience. 

I didn’t ask for loneliness to enter into my life. It just came upon me-suddenly-one day, uninvited and unwanted. It sought me out less than a week before Christmas in December of 2015 and has been seeking to destroy me ever since! I try to fight it and ward it off, but its strength becomes overpowering at times! So-many times, I just slump down and submit under the weight of it.

A friend of mine, who I love dearly, made a statement about me a couple of years ago after I lost my husband. It could not have been more untrue-though I never admitted it to her. She said something like, “I’m sure you don’t get lonely since you’re so busy with your four kids…” 

BUT!! I was in church worshipping yesterday. And the Lord spoke to me very clearly. He said, “Surrender!” And, I said, “Surrender what?” I have to admit that I’ve been kind of running away from that word-ever since December 19, 2015. Ironically, I did a teaching on “Surrender” for a small “conference” we held in Lichinga (Mozambique) in September of 2015. And, I wholeheartedly believed every word I taught on “Surrender”-and still do! But, I’ve been running away because that word keeps creeping into my consciousness way back in the corner of my thoughts. And I keep saying, “But, what more do I have to surrender?? I’ve already surrendered enough, haven’t I?? I’ve given up my life on the mission field in Mozambique and have come back to America where I’ve felt like I have absolutely no purpose or sense of belonging! (And I could list here many other things I’ve felt that I’ve surrendered-willingly and unwillingly.) What more do I need to surrender?? I have nothing left!” And I heard, “You need to surrender LONELINESS.” “What?! I never wanted it in the first place! Loneliness has been chasing ME! I NEVER ASKED FOR IT! How in the world am I supposed to SURRENDER it?” And then, in my very next thought, I said, “Ok, Lord. Show me how to do that. I’m willing!” 

I continued to worship and, less than 5 minutes later, a prophetic word was spoken out by someone in our church. She said, “‘Who or what is sitting in My seat?’” says the Lord. And, she began to list things that we sometimes place above the Lord in our lives-fears and anxieties, jobs, desires-whatever. I immediately put the word “loneliness” there. Have I been allowing “loneliness” to sit on the throne in my life? Maybe I have. I don’t know! But, I’m willing to find out how to surrender it to the Lord, if so! God help me! I know He will!💗

I woke up this morning singing the words to "I Surrender" by Hillsong: 

Hillsong Worship

Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all

And find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You

I surrender

Drench my soul
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst

With arms stretched wide
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

I surrender
I surrender

I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more...

I surrender
I surrender

I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Matt Crocker

I Surrender lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

I think some of the things I've thought about "surrender" are about to change! I'm looking forward to the journey of finding out! Are you willing to join me?

Blessings!